Last night was closing night of Fiddler on the Roof at Sundance, and
I must say that being a part of this show has been an awesome
experience! It has been so fulfilling, and just plain fun. But the
thing that rips at my heart is not so much that the house is empty,
and the lights and costumes and music will go away, but more the fact
that I wont get to spend my evenings in the company of my fellow cast
and crew members anymore.
In every single show/performing group I have been a part of I have
forged friendships that I still cherish to this day, and Fiddler is
no exception.
Its amazing how it happens. First there are the auditions where
you start to meet people. You maybe hope to work with some, and
maybe not so much some others. And then after some waiting the cast
list goes up. At first its just this random list of names that you
don't really know, but then the rehearsals begin and these random
names get faces. You awkwardly start to build relationships with
these faces, shuffling through the “get to know you” questions,
making small talk, and then starting to joke with each other while
you work. After a while the ice breaks, and you begin to play with
these people. Like, actually play and joke and laugh til you ache.
This is where the magic happens. In between the jokes, these people
begin to open up and share their true selves with you, and these
random “small talk” names with faces begin to flesh out into the
most incredible and real humans. Not even just normal humans, but
performers. I LOVE performers, they are loud, impulsive, colorful,
opinionated, stubborn, and so passionate. Sometimes they are total wrecks (me included), but they live vibrantly, and
love deeply. They fill me with life.
After a few weeks of this beautiful fleshing out process, you
begin to open yourself up to these new friends, you share your dreams
and your heartaches and your life. In return you feel so much love
that you can't even stand it, and you begin to wonder how you ever
lived in a world where these people were just names on a list. And it starts to feel like you never actually did live in a world where you didn't know them.
And then closing night rolls around, and the show ends, and you
see the empty seats, and the lights go out, and the parking lot is
empty and the crowds are gone, and you hug your new friends goodbye,
and maybe even cry a bit. And your heart breaks a little because you
know that you have to go back to a life where this little passionate
group of friendships you developed becomes once again a list of
people. But now the list is different. From now on this list of
people has faces, and memories, and a little part of your heart.
And some of the people on this list you will stay connected with
and you will keep up on each others lives, and visit, and call, and
reminisce, and even maybe work with again. And other people on this
list you may loose contact with, not because they didn't matter, but
because that's just how life is. And then when the little tug at your
heart softens, you begin to look forward with so much excitement to
the next list of names that you find yourself on, so that those names
can get faces, and then become performer humans, and then you can
forge more beautiful friendships, and be amazed once again at the
goodness that is in the world. And be so grateful to God that he lets
you be surrounded by such amazing humans. And then cry once again
when you have to say goodbye.
But what a beautiful life; to allow yourself to love and feel and
laugh and cry a bit, and then eventually say goodbye.
And then do it all over again..
and again.
and again.
....I am blessed.
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