A Problem

I have a problem....

People who know me well also know that I have this problem.

It's kind of embarrassing what happens when this problem kicks in.

I change.

I like to think that I am a nice person, but when this problem takes control.... things happen.

Almost like the hulk, but less bulgy and green.

I get hangry.

In fact, Its so bad that I permanently have this saved on my phone in case I ever need to send a message after an interaction that may need damage control.

Luckily, I don't suffer alone. But, There isn't much solace in that. Just other hangry people. : /

Oh well.

God's Hand

Disclaimer: This is a little bit on the longer side. 

Not much feels better than knowing you are in the right place at the right time, and God is guiding you.

Yesterday, I got an acceptance letter to Brigham Young University's Music Dance Theatre program. This is very exciting news for me, and I can't wait to begin the program in the fall! But even more incredible to me is how I can see God's hand in bringing me to this point. It feels good, and I am so grateful for it.

See, even in as little time as six months ago, the thought of studying musical theatre at BYU had not crossed my mind as a possibility. In fact, if you go back to a year and a half ago I had just finished the Wizard of Oz, my plan was to be finished with musical theatre all together until my Family Studies degree was completed and I was well on my way to a career as a marriage and family counselor. As I started school in fall 2011, I had no intentions of doing any performing outside of the institute choir I was involved in. Luckily, I had some close friends ask me to come audition for the Ogden LDS institute's Folk Dance team. I made the decision the day of auditions that I would go for it, just for fun. I made the team, made great friends, and had an awesome experience.

During that semester, I began to feel very uneasy about the direction I was heading, not that it was bad, but that it wasn't what was really in store for me. I tried to push the feeling off, but it was very persistent. Also, at this time I became friends with an awesome girl on the Folk Dance team named Bailee. One day at practice Bailee told me about a little summer stock family theatre in West Yellowstone that she was interested in working at. She invited me to audition with her, and while I was hesitant at first, the more I thought about it the more I knew it was what I wanted to do, and that I needed to audition. So, I auditioned, and to my surprise, I made it!

By now, I was well into Spring semester, and my uneasiness was increasing. I decided to look into other majors, or other possibilities, but MDT was far from my mind. God began to open my mind, however, to the thought of minoring in music in order to stay connected with my passion. I decided to audition for a vocal scholarship, and see what happened. I got one, and got accepted into the music program at Weber. I was so excited at the thought of actually doing something with my passion, and for the time that settled my uneasiness. I then decided to focus on the music minor, and trust that God would guide me further.

The summer came, and I headed off to West Yellowstone. The experience had its challenges, but what I learned in the end is that I LOVE performing. Every night, walking out on stage was so fun, and so hard, but so rewarding. I began to toy with the idea of studying Musical Theatre, but not at BYU. I started to look at Weber State's program (which is excellent!) but still, it didn't feel right.

I came home and started in on my minor, but the uneasiness returned and was overwhelming to the point that I was feeling physically ill when I was on campus. It was very difficult for me to focus in class, and I felt frustrated and lost. I knew that something needed to change, but I didn't know what or where...

Then, a few weeks later, I traveled with my friend Brian (whom I worked with in West) down to St. George to audition for Disney. I was so excited for this audition, and was a little over confident about my abilities in this professional setting. What started as an exciting opportunity turned into a personal audition disaster! My voice was fine, but I fell apart both acting and dancing wise, it was humiliating and discouraging! This is when I saw clearly the importance of proper training and preparation. The others that were auditioning were leaps and bounds ahead of me (quite literally, haha), and it was very apparent. I was surprised at myself however; Instead of feeling like I should quit, this experience instilled in me a burning drive to get better. So, I started looking into options at Weber, and even private options. But still, my uneasiness would not go away.

One evening, I was on the phone with Brian (who is already in BYU's MDT program), and I was talking about these concerns. He jokingly told me that I should go to BYU and study with him. My initial response was an absolute "NO! that would never happen." We finished our chat, but that invitation lingered in my mind.

As I walked onto campus the next morning, the dreadful uneasiness was stronger than ever. I knew for sure that something HAD to change. That afternoon I headed down to Provo to attend a dance concert  put on by BYU's different dance teams. While driving down I started thinking about Brian's suggestion to transfer to BYU, and I decided to ask God about it. As I prayed, I asked simply that if it was right, I would know it somehow. As I walked onto campus, a feeling of peace settled on me, and by the end of the concert, I was certain that I needed to be at BYU, and at least involved in the arts. At first it was simply that I needed to be at BYU, and the more I thought and prayed, I felt guided to the MDT program. 

Thus began a long process of practicing, setting up meetings with professors, filling out my application, filming my audition video, and stressing over my callback. Even though it was very stressful and time consuming, it felt so right and exciting. This was huge for me because in all the different majors and directions I have considered (and there have been a lot of them!), have never felt so settled. Yesterday I got my acceptance letter, and in the fall I will start. Who knows what the future will hold. It is definitely turning out different than anything I had planned. Perhaps this is just another stepping stone, but I will just keep trusting in God, for only He really knows. :)

Another thing, God has used SO many people to help guide me! in an effort to keep this post on the short side, I didn't relay every last detail. Each paragraph could be its own post. haha. But, I would like to give a shout out to a few people who have been very influential that have not been mentioned. So thank you Malorie, Karina, Annie, Jarom, Curtis, Jack, Bre, and Addi, know that God has used each one of you. 

Maid of Honor

Here is a secret about me. I do not love Wedding receptions. I LOVED them growing up, and it was perfect because I'm the youngest of nine kids and have tons of cousins so there were lots to attend. One of my earliest memories was of the summer when I was 4, and two of my brothers and one sister all got married within two months of each other. It was a dream life for me; traveling, food, decorations, dancing, music, parties, people all over the place! But, it maybe was hell for my mom, or at least a little stressful. However, as I got older something changed in me. I don't know what or why, but I no longer care for them. Sorry peeps, but now you know when I don't show up, its not personal. And please don't think I have some jealous single man's vendetta against them... I just don't love them. :) 

Last month, one of my very best friends got married. Because of the nature of our friendship (we are practically siblings), I actually went to her reception. More than that, I had the blessing of going to the temple and watching as she was sealed for time and all eternity to an awesome man. It was so great to be there that afterwards I almost forgot that it was only 1 degree outside.... almost....

 This friend is Malorie. And I love her! She is very special to me, and I'm so glad she found an awesome guy that is worthy of her, because she deserves the BEST! 

Here they are coming out of the temple.
It looks warm-ish because Mal's mom would not let her wear a coat for pictures.
But DO NOT be deceived! 

At the wedding luncheon her sisters and a few of our common friends determined that because of our close friendship, I was the Maid of Honor. Out of all the weddings I've been too, I have NEVER been the maid of honor before, so that was exciting! So what if the Maid of Honor is usually a female... If anyone is willing to give me a title that has "honor" in it, I will take it!

Also, Her reception (two weeks later, GENIUS!) was catered by Blue Lemon, and it was delicious! After 2 cookies, 2 pieces of cake, 1 brownie, and 1 piece of cheescake, I was a little bit ill. So, that was another perk of being involved in the whole wedding thing. Now back to the healthy grind!

Congrats Mal and Jake! I love you both!!

Lets try this again.

Try #2

So, once upon a time, over a year ago I decided that I was going to become a blogger. I successfully completed two posts. One of the two was absolutely huge, and I'm almost certain only three people actually read the whole thing. Because is was so huge I began to feel overwhelmed at the thought of writing on a regular basis, so therefore, I stopped.

I'm going to try this again.

I'm going to try to be shorter (in an effort to not scare myself off again), more interesting, and more consistent. I guess we will see right?

Currently I am waiting to hear some big news. I have been auditioning for several things, and in about two weeks, if news is good, I will have the next year of my life planned out. Woot!!! So, stay tuned.

Another thing:

Recently, I got new head shots done. I have three favorites, and can't decide which one I should use for auditions. Everyone I ask has a different opinion, so I'm going to do a poll of sorts. Either leave a comment here, or Facebook, and let me know what you think.

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